Too Much Billy Bob is Never a Good Thing

It's now that wonderful time of year when the harsh bitterness of winter gives way to the warmth and rejuvenation of spring. As these words are being typed young nubile coeds are taking that annual break from class (both in terms of education and etiquette), and the amorous rites of passion that spur us all are beginning to demand more of our time and attention. There's something just beautiful about this time of year. I've always been of the mindset that the calendar year could officially begin when the temps start to rise. That way you really do feel inspired to tackle that resolution list with the energy and verve that comes with a sunny day and a look nature's good side.
I am happy right now. I have many instances in my life that could certainly be cause for serious reconsideration: the terrible economy's impact on my shrinking wallet, the harsh market that seems to be paying less and less attention to art, the mounting bills, the insurmountable tasks that lay ahead. But despite these annoyances, I am finding myself in more and more chipper moods. Maybe it's the joy of a relationship (which is something in which I constantly marvel), or maybe it's just the thrill of being alive, but I feel genuinely happy as I sit down to post today's reviews. Of course there are things that could bring me down, but I am choosing not to focus on what is bitter, but only on what is sweet.

34.) AWAKENINGS
It's really exciting to see Robin Williams tackle something that isn't pure schtick or rapid-fire mania. While as a comedian, he shines, when he chooses to showcase his ability to utilize subtlety and underplay a character is quite impressive. Based on true events, this film follows the meek Dr. Sayer (Williams) as he finds a "miracle cure" for patients who have been catatonic for many years. Through his eyes, we watch bemusedly as these patients begin to see the world around them. The first patient to enjoy this sensation is Leonard (played with power by the ubiquitous Robert De Niro). Leonard had been in this catatonic state since he was a young boy. Watching him awake to experience the joys and beauty of the world is something that moves your spirit. Admittedly, the scene when he is going through the ward introducing himself to all the caregivers who had been nursing him during his sleep brought tears to my cynical eyes. The message here is somewhat overdone, but it is certainly worth stating: Enjoy life! I thoroughly enjoyed this humble and heartwarming film.

35.) DISTRICT B-13
Not sure where this one came from, but I'm glad it was found. This French action flick is clumsily over-dubbed in awkward English, but the dialogue is quickly forgiven when the intricate fight scenes, and explosive chases take center stage. In the not-so-distant future, Paris is divided into sub-districts with number 13 being specifically reserved for the blight of humanity. It is a walled ghetto that is now overrun with crime and the detritus of a community whose own government has chosen to ignore. Fighting to stay alive and on the proper side of morality is a young man named Leito. After being sent to prison (wrongfully) he is forced to team up with uber-cop Damien to retrieve a nuclear bomb that has been lost within the district. The unlikely duo must karate chop their way to success. Overall, this movie is fairly low-budget with some big-budget action sequences. The plot teeters on the side of the absurd, but the physical feats displayed by Leito and Damien are more than enough to make the movie highly enjoyable. Make some popcorn and pop this disc in for a good night of kickass!

36.) THE BABYSITTERS
Perhaps the social statement here is that women forced to empower themselves at too young an age will only bring about their own destruction. Go-getter Shirley (the mousy, yet sexy Katherine Waterson) comes from a modest home, and supplements her income by babysitting for the wealthy yuppies on the other side of the tracks. Through a misguided affair with one of the fathers of her charges, she learns that she can make money offering more than just her sitting services. She soon enlists other girls into her ring of illicit behaviour. While teenage prostitution is not necessarily the makings of a fun film, the taut drama of normal people losing themselves in their own temptations does make for a compelling watch. John Leguizamo and Cynthia Nixon are self-absorbing n both their roles and their perfomances. This is Lolita for modern audiences who want to forgive Humbert and blame Dolores. It is sexy and erotic in places, but that sensuality is frozen over with the realization that it comes from the exploitation of young girls too naive to understand the years of therapy that will accompany their actions.

37.) BACK TO SCHOOL
Who doesn't enjoy Rodney Dangerfield's self-deprecating commentary on society? His bug-eyes have a way of conveying both awe and appreciation for the inconsistencies of the world outside his car window. Here he plays a mega-millionaire (in the throes of his 80's excess) who decides to go to college to share the academic life with his son. The plot is as contrived as most three-camera sitcoms, but there's a heart in Dangerfield's performance that lets you suffer his foolishness gladly. This is standard 80's fare: gratuitious bikini-clad women with too much hairspray and too little common sense, pseudo-rich takes on the neauveau riche, and uninspired criticisms on proto-philosophy. If you can buy that a school rallies behind its' dive team (even having cheerleaders present for the competitions), then you can believe that Mellon (Dangerfield) can afford to have a paper on Kurt Vonnegut written by Kurt Vonnegut (in an all-too short cameo). A nice distraction is a party performance by Oingo Boingo. It's nice to see Danny Elfman cashing checks that have nothing to do with Tim Burton. This movie is funny in a way that your grandfather's jokes are funny: hilarious, but not always worth repeating.

38.) BAD BOYS II
Ok, so I really don't remember if I ever saw the first Bad Boys film, but I will certainly remember this sequel for some time. This movie has everything that I want in a good popcorn flick: beautiful women, big explosions, witty banter, and the chance to see the bad guy get exactly what's coming to him. Will Smith and Martin Lawrence really do work well together. Sure, this has Hollywood spice written all over it, but that cinematic manipulation is forgiven when the product works. Normally, I find Martin Lawrence to be fourth-rate in his comedy, but he really does stretch himself as a straightman for many scenes (even seeming to enjoy being Will Smith's foil). The plot is standard, but the scope is awesome! While this movie will never be remembered for its' artistic contributions, the lasting effect it holds is that it knows exactly when to go BOOM! This one will definitely find its' way back to my DVD player again.

39.)  THE BAD NEWS BEARS (1976)
Disclaimer: this would be the perfect children's movie if it were suitable for children! I remember seeing parts on this movie when the requisite Saturday afternoon family programming would include this in the occasional line-up. I came from a family of baseball lovers, so I'm certain someone would pause the channel surfing just long enough to watch a few minutes of terrible infield play, before moving on to something far more entertaining. I'm really glad that I waited until I was an adult to see this movie in all its glory. Walter Matthau is hilarious as the cynical, drunk, washed-out former ball-player-turned-little-league coach. What I most appreciate about his performance is that he never condescends to the kids on his team. He insults them the same way that he would insult anyone else. To me, that's giving these kids the adult-like respect that helps them overcome their own inadequacy. Tatum O'Neal is adorable, and Jackie Earle Haley is bad-ass enough to make yu believe he could be a juvenile threat. Plus, any movie that advocates childhood drinking is just fine by me.

40.) BAD NEWS BEARS  (2005)
There are remakes, and there are reimaginings. Remakes are as closely faithful to the original, reimaginings take the basic story and recreate something almost entirely new. This is more like a rerun. I had really high hopes for this one. Afterall, I think Billy Bob Thornton is a great comic talent. Unfortunately, this is not his greatest opportunity to showcase his dark side. Rife with dialogue taken directly from the 1976 classic (see above), most of this film just struggles to play in the same league as its predecessor. Too bad it should just be sent back to the minors. Granted, there are some funny moments. Greg Kinnear is as smarmy as they come, and Billy Bob Thornton ups the drinking ante laid out by Matthau. Pretty much, this film is a swing and a miss.

41.) BAD(DER) SANTA
I think I have found another holiday film to add to my December collection. I remember seeing the trailers for this movie and thinking that it looked funny, but for some reason or another, I'd let this one escape me. I'm glad I finally watched it. Billy Bob Thornton is oozing with repulsive amorality. His boozing buffoonery is showcased brilliantly in this comic gem. Though there are times when the movie dips into the sweet realm, it never goes maudlin. Especially entertaining are the supporting roles played by Bernie Mac and John Ritter (though both do compel a bit of sadness in recognition of the loss of such great talent). I challenge you to watch the scene in the boxing gym and not laugh as loud as you can.

42.) THE BADGE
The third in my Billy Billy Bob Trilogy for the day. This indie features an odd assortment of actors each contributing more to this film than the screenwriters who threw this oddity together. The plot is loose and almost unimportant in most scenes, but Mr. Thornton, Patricia Arquette, Sela Ward and William Devane each provide real distraction by creating some fascinating moments. Seeing Thomas Hayden Church playing a gay-man playing it straight would be a comic masterstroke (if that were the intent). This movie would have made great dark comedy if the producers hadn't been aiming to make a suspense thriller. Set in the bayou, this tale of tranny-hooker gone wrong has all the makings of cinematic badness. Billy Bob Thornton plays a small-town sheriff (taking a page from the Buford T. Justice book of law) who sees his career, life, and understanding of the world coming quickly undone. My advice, watch this movie while eating your favorite cajun dish and enjoying a tasty hurricane as the movie lacks both spice and punch.

43.) BALLISTIC: ECKS Vs. SEVER
Shit sandwich. (see review 31)
The explosions are big, but pointless. The action is extravagant but uninspired. The performances are, well, non-existent. If you watch this movie, be warned that Antonio Baderas and Lucy Liu will make you hate America...and yourself.

The joy of watching movies has yet to ebb. I'm still in good spirits. Life is still meaningful and wonderful. I've chosen to see my life as an impressionist painting. If you get too close, you're only able to see the cracks and imperfections, and everything is too blurry to make sense. But, if you back up, you get a beautful vision of something that is exciting and delightful to see.