Yin Yang and Yutz

With the strains of Metallica's Kill 'Em All album streaming wickedly through the earphones of my ipod, I sit here contemplating the grand balance of nature. My faithful green chair is the perfect place for me to briefly reflect upon the wonder that is the duality of all things. Yesterday and today (thus far) seem to be falling right in the middle of where I am most comfortable: the lukewarm existence of neither good nor bad (though unlike Hamlet, there will be not too much thinking to make anything so). I had the great good fortune of enjoying a rather spectacular weekend. Good times with good friends. A few affirming phone calls from my very pretty friend who lives in another state, and the general cheer that accompanies a feeling of accomplished joy. Immediately following the weekend of bliss came the week of blight. As it would seem, for everything that made the weekend content, there came a bone to raise contention on Monday and Tuesday. Now I'm not one to rant and rave over the absurd little things, but it would certainly appear as good as the weekend was, the week would prove to be as bad. Fortunately, the ship has righted itself, and things are back on track for complacent mediocrity. This is where I'm most productive, and this is where I hope to remain for a while (though some more touches of the bliss will be welcome, as long as there is no accompanying blight.
Despite the ups and downs, I was able to get some more movies under my belt. Once again, I'm seeing a trend of experiencing the cinematic good, bad, and ugly (and, yes, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly is on the list of movies to be watched). So with as little ado as marks a man of my means, here come the reviews!

5.) AGAINST ALL ODDS
I have a theory going that, despite The Fabulous Baker Boys which had the good fortune of the equalizing presence of Beau Bridges, every movie that Jeff Bridges made prior to The Big Lebowski was merely a dress rehearsal of characterization. With that in mind, it's only fair to include a subtitle for each of his previous films (i.e. "White Squall: The Dude on a Boat"; "Starman: The Dude in a Spaceship"; "Tron: The Dude in a Video Game", etc.). Therefore, we have "Against All Odds: The Dude Plays Football". This is a mostly forgettable insert in the Dude's oeuvre. The story of a football player who falls in love/lust with a hustler's girlfriend and chases her through Mexico to save her from her murderous boyfriend (played with a true "phone-it-in" performance by James Woods). The scenery is nice when they're traipsing through Aztec ruins, and cavorting on the beach. But the story is fairly ludicrous. I wanted this to be more of a football movie, but, alas, the producers truly fumbled when it came to the atheletic subtext. One fun spot has Alex Karras playing a trainer/hitman for hire finding the couple in Mexico, revealing his true friendship and concern for our protagonist, before taking a bullet in his forehead. Touching, and with the right amount of cheese.

6.) AGNES OF GOD
A few years ago, I was reading scripts for a theatre and I came across a play that really grabbed me and didn't let go. It was mystical, full of intrigue, drama, passion, and characters that were so complex that you couldn't get them out of your mind. I was pleased to find on our shelves that there was a film version of this play that I had once enjoyed. Putting in the DVD player did not disappoint. This is a great adaption of the three-person play. Here, the screenwriter addded scenes to flesh out the narrative, all the while giving the movie an honest and gripping feel. Meg Tilly is absolutely heartbreaking in her portrayal of the young novice nun being tried for the death of her newborn baby. I don't want to spoil this one for those that haven't seen it (or even read the play), but rest assured, nothing is as it seems. Jane Fonda and Anne Bancroft are both equally potent in their roles of Psychologist and Nun, respectively. This was one of those moments when I made a mental note to give this one another viewing when the time was right. I especially appreciated the spirituality that this film dealt with. It raised great questions without worrying about sacrilege.Pay close attention to the conversation between Fonda and Tilly in the belltower. It it doesn't move you, you are wearing concrete shoes.

7.) AIR AMERICA
I knew I would come across an awkward buddy flick before too long. I wasn't let down by this 2 hour trip through the jungles of Laos. While I have my beefs with Mel Gibson, for the most part I've enjoyed his contributions to cinema prior to The Passion of the Christ. This may fall into that category of paycheck films that also plays home to Bird on a Wire and What Women Want. Robert Downey, Jr, on the other hand, is still stuck in his emolation of the Brat Pack. If these actors had met and teamed up a decade later, this movie might really have been spectacular. The action sequences were great for the popcorn bowl. The story line about the corruption of our government during the Vietnam War is fun and funny (at times). It just really seemed that this movie was willing to settle for a "B-" when it truly could have been of "A" quality. It's easy to see Mel Gibson still having trouble shaking his "Riggs" persona from the Lethal Weapon films.

8.) ALI G INDAHOUSE: THE MOVIE
Sacha Baron Cohen is a genius. His ability to play beyond dumb is a mark of someone who is certainly the smartest person in the room. Granted, I still haven't seen every episode of the Ali G Show yet, but what I've experienced so far has whet my appetite for only great things from this man. At first I was a little wary since this movie was going to be more like a traditional film rather than the pseudo-documentary style of his show and his other movies Bruno, and Borat. I had nothing to worry about. He is certainly just as capable doing a straight comedy as he is doing a guerilla-style attack. Yes, the plot is absurd, but you don't go to Hooters just for the wings. The general humor in this film had me doing several spit-takes. I thoroughly enjoyed this. The fictional character makes a run at Parliament, and his co-opted African cultural philosophy suddenly rings very true with the citizens of England. Of course, there are the machinations of an evil chancellor that our hero must overcome. Along the way, the comedy is unsettlingly funny, absurd, and coupled with a wink and smile that reminds you it's ok to laugh when he lets you in on the joke.


I feel the smell of success overpowering the smell of breakfast as I look into the eyes of this video collection. While I'm making slow and steady headway, I realize that I have reels to watch before I sleep. I'm not afraid. But I do hope that this much escapism doesn't alter my own reality too much. Hell, people may need me one day.

Setting Sail

There's nothing more disconcerting than realizing your favorite programs are being pre-empted by men in tights doing something with an axel. Ok, I suppose one could make an argument for a few more troubling realizations, but for the sake of this post, I'll choose ice dancing as my bain du jour. Not that there's anything particularly terrible about the Olympics, but I truly have no desire to watch them. Besides, it's the Winter Games that are dominating the airwaves. Everyone knows that the Winter Games are the inferior closet brother to the Summer Games. In the Summer Games there are events like hammer throwing, and spear hurling. In the Summer Games men engage in the oldest form of homoerotic entertainment known to our species: Greco-Roman wrestling. In the summer games we have acknowledged sports like basketball and baseball. What do we get with the winter games? Stoned snowboarders, and ice-dancing men in pants so tight you can tell what religion they are. During these games pot and cosmo-tini's are added to the list of performance enhancers. Not my cup of tea.
So, this television void has given me ample time to make some serious headway in my task to watch as many movies that are new to me as I possibly can. My goal is 500 this year. It's certainly possible, but we'll see if the determination and grit can win out over eventual ennui. If not, then I guess I will suffer the fate of the silver medalist: the also-rans of history.
Without further ado, it's on to some reviews of my recent cinematic conquests!

1.) Abbott And Costello Meet Frankenstein
What better place to start than the alphabetical genesis of this new collection? Admittedly, my new roommate is a bit of a Frankenstein fanatic. I'm pretty sure he has every Frankenstein-related film that's ever been released. Some of these gems include: Bride of Frankenstein, Frankenstein Unbound, Frankenstein Reborn, Lady Frankenstein, and my personal favorite, Blackenstein. Needless to say, I am in for some real crap. But, I am certain there will be some redeemable flicks within this oeuvre. So my first step on this long journey is a cinematic classic. This comic masterpiece offers a chance to see the immortal comic team share the screen with some true horror legends. This Hollywood Who's Who of 1948 includes Bela Lugosi in his most endearing role, that of the undead Dracula, and Lon Chaney, Jr as the Wolf Man. Seeing these actors turn their iconic roles into comic foils for the likes of Bud and Lou is worth more than twice the price of admission. Since I paid nothing to watch this movie, I can state confidently that I would happily pay twice or even thrice that! Truly one I'll watch again...but probably not any time soon.

2.) ABOUT LAST NIGHT
Ok, this second movie was pretty terrible. It's obviously an excoriation of the twists and turns of dating in a major city. Our protagonists are accustomed to the "love 'em and leave 'em" style of relationships. Long term means a second date. Here they slowly fall in love and realize that, perhaps, there is something out there better than a life of one-night-stands. What a load of crap! Now I'm not judging the sentimentality of this concept, but it's portrayal by Demi Moore and Rob Lowe makes you really root for them to stay together, not because you want them to be happy, but because they are such miserable, self-centered, social pariahs that there union saves the rest of us from having fall prey to their juvenile boorishness. Thankfully, the producers cast Elizabeth Perkins and James Belushi as their respective best friends. I say thankfully because their presence makes the two leads look ideal by comparison. Adapted from a script by David Mamet, this movie was an eyesore on the way to completing my goal. On another note, I was treated to a nice view of Demi Moore's pre-surgical-enhancement nakedness. Amazing how quickly a movie can be redeemed.

3.) ADAPTATION
I know many cinephiles who bow down and worship at the feet of Charlie Kaufman for his work on Being John Malkovitch. I claim utter indifference. Frankly, the former was a little too quirky for my taste. Perhaps that feeling gave me prejudice to avoid this movie for so long. Regardless, I am glad I finally saw this one. It is truly a meta-film in every definition of the term. It's self-awareness is probably what makes it most compelling to view. You get sucked into this world that just keeps getting more convoluted (and adapted). I was impressed. Admittedly, there were moments toward the end (I won't spoil this one, though I won't be as judicious in the future with other movies), that I found it drifting a little too close to the uncomfortably absurd. Chris Cooper is quite good. His Oscar was well deserved. Plus, you see Meryl Streep's own set of awards. Nice.

4.) THE ADULT VERSION OF JEKYLL & HIDE
Ok, this is pretty much a porn, but it's one of the funniest attempts at storytelling that has ever been captured on celluloid. A sexploitation film from 1971, this utter monstrosity is the retelling of the Jekyll and Hyde story in a "modern" setting. As a brief synopsis: Dr. Leeder, a lecherous medicine man who lists cheating on his fiance' as a full-time hobby, stumbles upon the diary of the real Dr. Jeckyll. In this ancient tome (written in a composition notebook) he learns of the sexual exploits of Jekyll's alter-ego, Mr. Hyde. Thanks to his less-than-legal means of procuring this text, he is being pursued by the police who want to connect him to the murder of a shopkeeper. In the mean time, Dr. Leeder decides to test Jekyll's formula on himself. Amazingly he has all three (yes THREE) ingredients to make this monstrous potion. His other half, as it turns out, is a voluptuous blonde (with obvious surgical scars from pre-filming enhancement) named Miss Hide. Ah, the twist! In order to remain hidden from the cops, he keeps the form of the sexy Miss Hide who then proceeds to have affairs with Leeder's secretary, his fiance' and some random sailor. But it's not gay since Leeder is in disguise as a woman! This schlocky masterpiece is for the T 'n A crowd (40 years ago). The dialogue is atrociously bad, and the science of Jekyll is glossed over worse than a emo kid's need for rebellion. Needless to say, this movie is AWESOME! Certainly the first true gem of this journey.

I am certain that in this olympic interlude, I'll have more opportunities to add to the list. So far I've yet to find a movie that is a complete waste of time, though there have certainly been those that may not warrant a second viewing before the apocalypse. But until then, there is always curling! Sweeping and ice, what could be better?!

I Just Drove in from Phoenix, And Boy Are My Arms Tired

To say that the year that was the last ended with a bang would be, more or less, the understatement equivalent of saying that Adolph Hitler was a bit of a jerk. I won't go into all the details (some wonderful, some heart-breaking, and some just downright odd), but suffice it to say that coming back to this blog is a welcome return after a too-lengthy vacation. Much like the normal return from a big trip, the days after include the unpacking, the discovery that sand truly does get everywhere, and the attempt to re-assimilate yourself back into a routine that seems as foreign as the clerk at your nearest gas station. Be it happy, sad, bittersweet, or just plain exhausting, this welcome home party to the information dirt road is long overdue, but thankfully existent.
Sitting at this desk with my laptop staring me down, reminds me that I've had my share of close calls in the last two months. Close calls are nature's way of saying "hey, douche bag, you're flying too near the sun!" These little daily reminders of our own mortality are enough (usually) to take put your hands back on the wheel, and turn off the cruise control. I thought it only prudent to use this first post to get myself reacquainted with the art of digital wordsmithing, and just talk about a motley skid row of topics. For those of you who know me, when I occasionally slip into the coma that accompanies the habits of a workaholic, I generally surround myself with as much pop-culture until I either receive divine inspiration, or the couch sores develop couch sores of their own. This being said, I have spent some good ole' quality time with my new roommate's movie collection. Finally, someone with a bigger DVD problem than mine! Within a matter of a few days my humble collection (exceeding 500) nearly tripled in size with the arrival of his personal video library. Thus, the cause for my latest venture: I am going to watch every movie in this house that I have never seen.
I am a lover of all art (and yes, Police Academy 3 is art....Police Academy 4 is not art). I feel that if a book has been written, it should be read. If a song has been recorded, it should be heard. And if an independent film company practiced the shameless self-promotion of making a low-budget film, then, by God, I should watch it. So far, I've added nearly 30 movies to a list of previously "never seen" flicks. I am learning a lot about my own tastes, but I'm also learning that perhaps not all art is truly best for public consumption. In the succeeding posts, I am going to chronicle some of the films I have have had the pleasure/fortuitous distaste of viewing. But before we get into that, I did want to share a fun little anecdote to end today's resurfacing.
One of my cinematic guilty pleasures (other than Skinemax) is to watch some good horror movies. The irony, as has been touched upon in previous posts, is that I am also a gigantic scaredy cat. The white whale du jour of my scary movie watching sail has been the frightfest "Paranormal Activity". Generally, I am one to listen to every bit of feedback from those who have gone before. For every average joe that tells me "man, that movie scared the pants off me", I am greeted with equal parts fear, interest, and disgust at picturing said joe with no pants. I anticipate seeing the movie, but also fear that its' frighteningness will be the death of me and my shivering heart. So, usually I must be coerced into watching this movie. Enter Sexy-Viewing Companion.
One night, Sexy Viewing Companion decides that I need to overcome my growing fear of this movie, and that we need to watch it together. Her plan is two-fold: 1.) that I will squeal like a small girl, thus giving her hours of entertainment at my expense, and 2.) that watching this movie with the lights off will force me into confronting the non-reality of a movie (i.e., I should really have nothing to fear, and should stop being a big baby). I reluctantly agreed, though I was somewhat pleased to have Sexy Viewing Companion with me for moral support....and I was not going to show any weakness.
Out go the lights. In goes the disc. And here comes the grainy magic.
Within minutes, we are introduced to cinemas' newest horror couple. Granted, I was inching myself closer and closer to SVC with every bump and noise that was heard onscreen as I imagined hearing something more fierce and demonic coming from the dark recesses of my own home. The sweat was cold, and my hands were now prey to the shaking and shivering of one in the presence of pure evil (brought on by the movie, and not SVC, mind you). I was feeling that old familiar feeling of a movie that was too scary to watch!
Thankfully, I was not alone. And by not alone, obviously I was with SVC, but she was starting to get just as freaked out as myself. At this point in the narrative, a new sensation began to take over: machismo. As my beautiful female friend was experiencing the thrill of watching a movie between the slits in her fingers, I was feeling empowered by the fact that I needed to remain calm so I could protect her should these demon beasts escape from their laser-manufactured home, and begin terrorizing us. Hellbeasts, be damned!
Right about the time this rush of masculinity hit me, I also felt the familiar tug of logic pulling on my sleeve. I began to realize more and more that, were I in the designer shoes of those poor saps on the screen, I might tend to act a little differently. Step 1: CLOSE THE DAMN DOOR. I think once I realized that something eerie was this way coming, I would shut the door to the bedroom, lock it, and let that be the test. If I awoke and the door was open, then it would be time for a new house, and possibly for a new bed mate. Movie over, head still attached. Life is back to normal.
We finished watching the movie (which I was now able to enjoy as a conscientious observer). While my fear had ebbed away, SVC was letting hers completely run away. We popped in a mindless comedy, tried to talk about something other than demon possession, and we eventually decided it was time for bed (though since my mother sometimes reads this blog, I will maintain that we did go to bed without "knowing" each other). I made a few jokes about what would happen if either of us were to wake up in the middle of the night and see the "Kate" character standing in my bedroom. For that illusion, I received some not-too-friendly punches on the arm.
Then, I closed and locked the door.