Heartburn: It's What's For Dinner.

Here I sit in a meat-induced coma, trying to rectify the week that was. Last night was meatloaf night. This means that a meat log weighing roughly the same as George Foreman before he began pressing his burgers was on the menu. Also on the menu: potatoes. Yes, meat and potatoes! There is something beautifully American about dining on this simple and traditional combination. For my meatloaf: a pound of ground sirloin, a pound of ground sausage, garlic, purple onion, parmesan cheese, a litany of spices, and topped with thick-sliced bacon. My roommate drew similarities to the "Bacon Burger Dog" recipe. Though he was right in some ways, I was able to finish this meal with temporarily going blind or experiencing symptoms of ephasia.
It's been 16 hours, and I'm still not hungry. So, I thought I'd update some more reviews. For those of you paying close attention, you'll notice that there are now Amazon.com links next to each film.Should you feel so inspired as to purchase any (or all) of the movies reviewed on this blog, then you will be helping this little writer out.

44.) BARBERSHOP
I think that Ice Cube makes some pretty good choices in films on which he puts his name. With the same tone found in one of my personal favorites, Friday, he exhibits a great blend of hilariously inappropriate comedy mixed with heart and true feeling. Set in a neighborhood Barbershop in Southside Chicago, this "day-in-the-life" tale is both a slice of life, and a commentary on black men in America. What's especially refreshing is that while the movie does fall prey to victimizing some racial stereotypes, it also takes a few opportunities to bridge the gap and make a few powerful statements that must elicit a feeling of pride in anyone who watches this, regardless of skin color. Cedric The Entertainer is brilliantly funny. Hidden beneath some subtle age make-up and a blatantly ridiculous wig, he creates a man who has been in the barber business for a long time, and refuses to see it as anything other than true art. This work ethic is inspiring. Anthony Anderson also turns in rather humerous take as a thief who seems to be having the worst day of his career. I highly recommend spending an evening with this great film!

45.) BAREFOOT IN THE PARK
The questions I had about his movie are the same questions I had when I saw the play several years ago. How in the hell did these two ever get together? And why did they get married in the first place? I suppose the filmmakers can't be blamed for the faults in Neil Simon's script. Robert Redford and Jane Fonda are completely committed to their characters, though the unfortunate thing is that there's not much too be committed to. Both roles are shallow and straightforward. The movie, like the play, doesn't really get interesting until the arrival of Victor Vargas (Charles Boyer). Seeing this couple that had no believable reason to be together struggle to make their ludicrous marriage work is a bit like being broke but making a half-hearted attempt to offer to pay when some one else is reaching for the check. At times, this movie does find ways of producing a smile or two. But, for the most part, it is a good effort at polishing what used to be last night's dinner.

46.) BARELY LEGAL
Why is it that when teenagers are strapped for cash that they opt for the most outlandish scheme to cover their unnecessary expenses? I suppose its a mark of juvenile financial planning that allowed them to find themselves in the given situation in the first place. Take these social pariahs in this teen-age romp from the B-squad of Nation Lampoon. These high school cut-ups decide that they need money. To them, the obvious choice for fast cash is to innure themselves into the porn business. Well, what brilliant thinking! Take an industry about which you know nothing, persuade women to take their clothes off on film (despite that all the girls you know won't even give you the time of day), and market this to consumers (regardless of the fact that you know nothing about marketing or distribution). So this just makes perfect since. Based on the simple premise that says "since we like to watch porn, we are qualified to make porn", these schmucks set out to create their cinematic masterpiece. Of course, not having a budget is not a problem for them either. Billed as both "sexy" and "funny" I found this movie to be lacking the two things that make a sex-comedy really work: attractive women and good jokes. Based on this thinking, I feel that the next time I am in need of some quick cash, I am going to open my own nuclear power plant.

47.) BARTON FINK
This movie proves at last one fallible truth: not all Coen Brothers' films are created equal. Granted, there are some funny and fascinating moments in this study of a man's journey to find inspiration. But, for the most part, this movie lacks the verve and luster of their other films. Applause must be given to the cast for executing some fantastic performances. The attention to detail in creating this WWII Hollywood period piece is impressive, but the looks don't match the content. I really found this film to be dull, despite itself. Even with a murder mystery thrown in, I just felt that it dragged and muddled its' way through too much self-importance. It was a movie that was trying to be a film. While I am an admirer of most of their work, I think I'll file this one away in the category of "Yes, I've seen that, but only once".

48.) BASIC INSTINCT
I'm sure my "man-card" was in great risk of being taken away prior to my finally having taken the opportunity to see this. Of course, I knew the basic story, I knew the infamous interogation scene with the magical leg crossing. I was well-aware that Sharon Stone showed off her assets and her movie-stardom. What I didn't really realize was how good this movie was. Michael Douglas is fantastic as a San Francisco detective with a sordid and checkered past. Paul Verhoeven is truly hit-or-miss with his career. Consider this a homerun. The twists and turns, the pacing of the suspense, the intelligent dialogue all help to create what is a thoroughly enjoyable film that leaves a lasting impression. I think I'll watch this again...and perhaps with SVC the next time she's in town.

49.) THE BASKETBALL DIARIES
At once a cautionary tale of the dangerous road that you can expect to follow if you let drugs and alchohol take over your life, and an exploratory journey into the mind of a young poet who is searching to define himself through the juxtaposition of being both an artist and an athlete. Leonardo DiCaprio shines in what can only be described as a full-frontal assualt of character development. Mark Wahlberg shows some of that depth and intelligence that will manifest itself later in his career. This story of young prep-school basketball players who find themselves swept up in the world of drugs that transforms them from being students with potential, to junkies so desperate for a fix that the unspeakable becomes the standard vocabulary. Powerful, engaging, and just enough off-putting to make this film quite successful in its' aim. I would highly recommend this one to anyone willing to watch.

50.) BEAN: THE MOVIE
Preposterous, yes. Utterly Unbelievable, yes. A waste of a good afternoon, no. Rowan Atkinson returns to his BBC character of the absurdly fumbling Mr. Bean. Inept, and goofy, this grotesquely idiotic klutz is responsible for being the care-taker of the invaluable painting "Whistler's Mother". Sent to accompany the painting to L.A. where it will be displayed at a ritzy museum, Bean is mistakenly represented as a genius art-critic and scholar. Teaming up with the museum curator, one screw-up after another puts this priceless painting in harm's way more often than not. Peter MacNicol plays the curator with bug-eyed abandon. Lots of hair-pulling frantic reactions, and "ay-yi-yi" chutzpah make this silly comedy a respectable entry into the BBC oeuvre. Plus, a cameo by Burt Reynolds is never a bad thing.


Admittedly, this post has taken me nearly a week to finish. Most of my digestive issues have solved themselves, and I am in place to enjoy yet another weekend of culinary greatness. I hope this finds each of you well, as there will be lots more where this came from.