Once again, I find myself thinking more about the weather than about world-changing events. I have to wonder if this is putting me closer to Shady Oaks than to beach filled with co-eds on a spring break journey to make jaegermeister's stock soar. Regardless, I can't help but contemplate on the beauty that was this weekend's picturesque climate. Beautiful blue skies, temperatures that were neither hot nor cold. It was something akin to what Goldilocks must look for in planning her vacation destination: just right.
Getting out and shaking off the wintry melancholy, I found that this preview of spring was just what I needed to feel reminded that, even the most bleak must end. Life is a cycle, and my chains are well-greased. Today's post will feature some more movie reviews (as I'm sticking to last week's promise of being more consistent with progress reports). I am currently filling my brain with so much minutiae of the hollywood sort that I'm not sure there'll be room for important details like the recipe for the world's greatest sandwich, or Sexy Viewing Companion's address (the former is safely tucked away in my pantry and the latter will never be forgotten on pain of death or detachment). That being said, I suppose I should make more room in the video respository by emptying out my thoughts on the next set of gems.
14.) THE AMATEURS
"The Dude Makes A Porno". What a familiar story. It would appear that if you should ever find yourself in dire financial straits, then the best way to bolster your withering bank account would be to make (or star in) an adult film. This incarnation is not really different from the likes of Zak and Miri Make a Porno or Barely Legal, except that we have a cast of fifty-somethings that are hoping this journey of self-discovery will include video footage of a nubile co-ed doing some discovery of her own self. Not a particularly bad film, it does feature some nice comic turns from Joe Pantoliano, William Fichtner, Ted Danson, and, of course, Jeff Bridges. Our man Lebowski is a down-on-his-luck divorced father. Wanting to prove that he is just as capable of providing for his pre-teen son as the boy's new stepfather, he enlists his friends (small-town folk who are known to join him on his schemes du jour) to make a porno, sell it, and reap the benefits of being a successful filmmaker. Easy? Well, not if you want a plot for this movie! The humor is somewhat contrived, and the sex scenes are a bit awkward (seeing Ted Danson's bare ass is enough to keep you away from solid foods for a week), but the movie does have heart. And that must count for something.
15.) AMERICAN CRIME
To be honest, I'm not really sure what this movie is about. This is one of the most slapdash attempts at storytelling since Hulk Hogan lost his championship because there was a fake referee. The plot (as far as I could gather) centered around employees at a local news station who were following the abductions and murders of women who were stalked before meeting their demise. The young reporter who is covering the story finds herself also being stalked prior to her own disappearance! A syndicated TV show entitled "American Crime" begins to follow this story as it has now developed into this odd little meta-world. The host of the show comes to this small town hoping to offer support, but finds that his methods are not appreciated. How it got there to the ending (SPOILER ALERT) where we find that the syndicated host is actually the killer is quite beyond me. The story is ludicrous, and everyone associated with it should be prepared to kiss their careers goodbye. Cary Elwes plays the host in the most non-sensical attempt at character idiosyncracies ever captured on celluloid. His British accent is attrociocious (and he's from ENGLAND!!) He sounds like he's auditioning for a low-budget Dickens remake. Cary, the next time your agent requests that you read for a film of this schlock, please do not answer "As you wish".
16.) AMERICAN CRUDE
Perhaps I was several tankards into a good (read terrible) box of wine, but this movie was utterly unwatchable. It started off as a morality tale told by an idiot (played with grace and smarm by Ron Livingston), but somehow rambled into a convoluted heist-caper-comedy-of-errors-crapfest of biblical proportions. Any movie featuring Rob Schneider as the dramatic foil is not starting off well. Michael Clarke Duncan and Jennifer Esposito should both rush to the nearest confessional and request a serious pennance for their ludicrous turn as lovers on the lam. Missi Pyle plays a transsexual, what else can I say?
17.) AMERICAN HISTORY X
I'm sure you're probably wondering how a sensitive intellectual like me has overlooked this movie for so long. It has been recommended for years, but I put it aside for reasons that now seem trite and petty. I owe a serious apology to everyone who ever told me that I should see this movie. I regret missing it, and I am now thankful that I have experienced what can only be described as "powerful". The message is there, but the fuzziness of an afterschool special is thankfully missing. Edward Norton gives the performance of a lifetime. I'm not going to ramble or gush on this one, but I will heavily encourage those of you looking for something potent to see to put this one in immediately.
18.) AMISTAD
This was a good movie. It had just enough of the hollywood gloss to give it the requisite scope, but there was a true honesty that this historical drama carried that really made it watchable. Based on historical events, this movie (another one that falls into that category of movies that I really should have seen prior to this experiment) tells the harrowing story of the Africans who rose up against their slave captors and fought for their own freedom and the trial that ensued. I was impressed. While Matthew McConaughey really should stick to the cupcake films he's best known for, he did an admirable job as the defending attorney. Djimon Honsou is always impressive as his figure commands your attention when he walks into frame. This one bears a resonance that was refreshing without being too quaint or self-serving. The montage of events that transpired from the Africans' enslavement all the way to their mutiny is nothing short of horrific, but moving. The best actors know how to tell a story with their eyes. Djimon Honsou spun hours of fables without saying a single word of English.
I am still promising to keep these posts up-to-date. I know I have reels to watch before I sleep, but I am feeling confident so far. I have just reached the "50" mark in viewing. 10% down. Much more to go. In the meantime, I think I will enjoy the clouds smiling at me as I take this show outside.
Cheers!
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